Oct 07 2007
About
Lord, I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I thought that if my pain touched their lives, I’d feel better. I didn’t. I thought that by holding it over their heads, I’d feel better. I didn’t. I thought that by telling everyone what had been done to me, I’d feel better. I didn’t; it only cost me friends and kept the pain alive longer. I thought if only they’d acknowledge how wrong they’ve been (and how right I’ve been), I’d feel better. They didn’t, so I felt worse.
I thought if only I could understand why I picked such people, I’d feel better. So I read books and talked with counselors, but that didn’t work, because I then discovered other things I didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with. I thought time would make me feel better. It helped, but it didn’t heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought that by moving someplace else, I’d feel better. I didn’t. I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside of me.
Finally, I did one thing, and it helped — not overnight, but gradually, patiently, consistently, as I kept doing it, it worked.
I decided to turn to the Lord! I cried out to the Lord, “Turn Thou me, and I shall be turned.”
He heard my cry! Suddenly my mind began to clear, and my emotions began to heal. Why? Because at last I’d reached the place where getting well meant more… so much more to me … than staying sick!